In honour of my 3 year anniversary being with my hubby (and now married for 7 months), I decided to write a little post about a few things I’ve learned while being in a relationship. While everyone’s experience with love is unique, I figured I would share some fresh knowledge. If anything, this will be great to look back on in a few years to see exactly what’s changed (if anything!).
You can’t always be right: I have a very hard time dealing with this one. I admit it, I love being right and to be quite honest, I usually am (I can feel my husband’s death glare as I type this out). It’s not that I have an exceptional memory or anything, but I am simply really good at making lists and setting reminders for myself. My hubby and I have an agreement though that I am only right 95% of the time. But oh, when his 5% kicks in, he is sure to rub it in my face. It’s rare, but it does happen. And it’s something that I just need to deal with.
You don’t always have to agree: I don’t remember what we were bickering over exactly but a few months ago, I remember hearing myself say “oh my god, why can’t you just agree with me??!!”. At this point, my wonderfully patient husband looked over at me and said “if you think that I’m the type of guy who is just going to roll over and agree to everything you say, you’re going to be in for a surprise”. Oh boy, did that ever give me a reality check. Clearly the topic we were discussing wasn’t that important since I don’t remember it (I was probably incessantly questioning him about why he doesn’t ever eat hamburgers outside of the house or something) but it was a really good moment of clarity for me. Obviously we’re going to have different opinions about things and that’s OK!
The little things: Every couple is different but I’m sure you’ve come to realize which little things are important to your significant other, and which things aren’t that big of a deal. For me personally, a little thing that I look forward to the most are the small surprises like showing up with a coffee while I’m at work, or giving me a hand massage while we’re watching tv. On the other hand, my relationship has also forced me to realize that we don’t all have the same expectations. While I might expect lovie-dovie texts throughout the day, the reality is that my husband just doesn’t see the importance in sending them. I’ve tried time and time again but he just hates to text. This definitely took a little while to get used to. I need to remember that he also has a job that doesn’t really grant him the time for these things. I do occasionally still complain about it, but I’m getting there. In the winter months when construction season is over though, he really does make an effort to call me throughout the day which always an amazing treat!
Finances suck: About 99% of the relationship articles I’ve read talk about how stressful finances are on a relationship. Annnnnnd it’s true. The hubby and I recently took the time to sit down, merge all of our accounts (aka debts), figure out the lowest interest rate options and cut out the unnecessary expenses. Together, we managed to get a cheaper quote for our home insurance (still in the process of switching/negotiating), we cut out the unnecessary satellite radio, found a similar cellphone plan that would give us new phones without paying a cent, signed up for a cheaper internet provider, switched to a credit card that best suited our needs and switched to cheaper car insurance. All of these changes definitely add up over time! The problem is finding the time and energy to do it. We’ve been putting it off for quite some time, but while planning our upcoming summer travels, we realized the necessity and just got it done. Make a list of expenses, look over it to see what (if anything) can be modified and start tackling them one by one. We were once on the phone with Rogers for almost 3 hours one Saturday while we were making fresh pasta at home (that might also be where I screwed up during the decline of the gnocchi empire). Whenever you have the time, take advantage!
Motivation goes both ways…sometimes: Having a “partner in crime” is great. Usually, we’re able to motivate each other for all kinds of things. When the hubs doesn’t feel like cleaning, I push him to get it done with me since it goes twice as fast together. When I don’t feel like getting out of bed at all, he encourages me to get up and get my day started (we kind of take turns motivating each other for this one…we all have our lazy days). When he doesn’t feel like working out, I push him to go to the gym with me. It goes on and on, push and pull, motivating each other to be the best we can be. Then there are days where neither one of us is motivated and it all goes to shit. Like today for example, when I told the hubs that I was starting my new diet challenge and he proceeded to tempt me with mozzarella sticks for dinner. Needless to say, he won that one.
Sharing is caring: One of the greatest things about being in a relationship is having someone to share things with. Whether its to share the news of my grad school acceptance or simply being excited over a silly video on Facebook, having someone to share it with is definitely half the fun. This doesn’t apply to sharing my ice cream though, just FYI.
Living with a boy: It’s gross. As an only child who was mainly raised by her single mother, I never really got the opportunity to see all of the gross things boys do. I know it’s “typical” and I also know not all boys/men are the same, but things are just icky. They don’t wash they’re hands enough, they don’t use a Kleenex when they really should and I have no idea how they get the toilet that dirty! I could go into more detail but my husband told me not to. So I won’t. But if you ever meet me in person, just ask about the exploding poops.
Acceptance is key: Considering all the gross tendencies I talked about above, this is a crucial one. Acceptance is key. Whether it’s interesting “habits” they picked up throughout their life (like dropping clothes right next to the laundry basket instead of INTO the laundry basket) or the sudden urge to start sharing your life story and details on a blog, being in a relationship means accepting it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. We’re not perfect, so don’t expect your partner to be.
Happiness level x1000: My hubby came up with this one, which makes me look like the naggy wife for thinking of all of the previous items on this list but ah well, c’est la vie. Out of the hubby’s mouth: “I didn’t realize just HOW happy I could be in a relationship”. And it’s 100% true. Before being with him I was content and happy with my life. But now? I’m EXCITED about life. I always tell him how excited I am about our future and one of the funnest things for me is talking about all of our upcoming possible plans. Will we build our own home? Will we have 3, 4 or 5 children? Will we sell all of our stuff and move back to Italy? The adventures are endless and I never imagined I could be this happy. I’m a mush, I know.
As we’ve all been told, relationships/marriages take work. That does’t mean you can’t have some fun and adventure along the way though! Here’s to many more years of love, happiness and stinky boy habits!
p.s. the hubs farted right as I ended the last sentence….
Jewels says
….smiled all the way through this post…. loved it!!!!
Dee says
Thank you!!