With the summer season being the most popular time of the year to tie the knot, I figured I would talk about a very important role that I recently needed to fill. The role of a bridesmaid!
Weddings are often tough but with a solid bride tribe on your side, things should work out smoothly, right? The key ingredient here is a SOLID bride tribe. You may already know exactly who you want walking down the aisle with you on your big day but let me tell you, a wedding is often times the best way to truly get to know someone. Whether good or bad, high stress times and long term commitment sometimes bring out the best and/or worst in people. I count myself lucky to have had a pretty solid group of ladies! So here are a few important things I think you should think about before saying YES to being in a bridal party!
Responsibility
When you’re asked to be a bridesmaid, excitement obviously takes over and it’s easy to forget the amount of responsibility that comes with your role. With the number of events, messages, calls and dollars you will be putting into this event, you need to be emotionally and psychologically ready for it all. You can’t simply call it quits after a few months, so make sure you take your commitment to responsibility seriously. The bride and groom, along with the rest of the bridesmaids, are depending on you to always show up with your game face on. If you’re not ready for this level of support, be honest with the bride from the START. Perhaps your budget is super tight, maybe your work schedule is too busy or maybe you just don’t want to be flooded with calls for a year about only one thing – the wedding! Whatever the reason, be ready to accept this serious role because behind the girlie hugs and sangria-filled nights talking about this ‘magical’ day, the stakes are high and you can’t flake.
Don’t stress the bride
This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised with the number of calls and texts brides get before their big day with extra issues that they really shouldn’t have to deal with. Brides, generally speaking, have numerous running lists going on in their heads at any given moment. As a bridesmaid, if you have a little issue with something, turn to your fellow bridesmaids! Chances are you will be able to work it out without adding one more thing to the bride’s never ending to-do list.
Keep things positive
On that note, your role as a bridesmaid means trying your best to keep things positive at all times. Sure, the bride may have some bridezilla-esque moments along the way but it’s your duty to remind the bride why she’s doing all of this and bring her back down to earth in the most positive way possible. Coaching the bride to let go of whatever issue is at hand is an important job! Mistakes and problems occur quite often during the wedding planning process so it’s important not to get worked up over them all. You’ll drive yourself crazy! Instead, take in whatever the issue is and tackle it head on with a game plan. This is the issue, this is how we’re going to approach the situation, these are the steps we’re going to take to fix it and then this is what the new outcome will be. Done deal!
Be humble
Sorry to be so forthcoming, but this day is all about the bride and groom. It’s not about you. So sit back and give them ALL of the attention. It is literally your job to support them through this journey so remember that there is no room for selfishness or jealousy. Sure, it might not be ideal for you to spend every Saturday dress shopping, gift wrapping or chatting with the bride about all of the minuscule details, but this isn’t the time to complain about it. When in doubt, refer to my first item about “Responsibility“. Hopefully one day it will be your turn to walk down the aisle and you will want someone just as supportive by your side.
Lend a helping hand
Brides need more than just a kick-ass bachelorette! Wedding planning is tiring, detail-oriented and time consuming which is why she needs a tribe of women to help her. Here are some things you could do to help:
- Send encouraging messages every few weeks expressing your excitement for the big day
- Help wrap the guest favours
- Bake/cook something for one of the events (bridal shower, bachelorette, wedding day)
- Arrive early the day of the wedding to help with any last minute preparations
- Take control of a situation that might be adding stress to the bride (ie. issue with vendor or other member of the bridal party)
- Ask to see the bride’s to-do list then offer to do one or two things to lighten the load
- Keep an open line of communication with the other family members (ie. Mother of the Bride). Chances are they’re busy planning things too and might need an extra set of hands.
- Offer to attend dress fittings, shoe shopping expeditions or other wedding-related ventures.
- Help decorate the bride’s home the day before the wedding.
- Host a bridesmaid get-together to get to know the other ladies
- Take candid and behind-the-scenes photos/videos of things that the bride might not be part of (ie. bridal shower prep, bridesmaid planning day, etc) and share them with her later.
- During the reception portion of the wedding, get up and DANCE! And encourage the guests to do the same. Don’t be scared to get the party started, trust me, the bride and groom will appreciate it!
Be Flexible
Weddings are a great celebration of love but things don’t always go as planned. Be ready and flexible, no matter the situation. I’m not just talking about being flexible in terms of timing (ie. going to last minute bridal events) but be flexible with your expectations and emotions. If the bride says or does something that seems a little unusual for their character, don’t take it personally. Drama may occur along the way and you don’t want a high stress situation to unravel a life-long friendship.
This flexibility should also be kept in mind among the other members of the bridal party. It’s hard enough putting together a random group of people and telling them to get along and plan important events! Bridesmaids often butt heads along the way. But the thing is, you never know their situation, whether personal or financial, and you may think that one simply isn’t pulling their weight. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Take charge and delegate
Chances are that the group of girls in a bridal party weren’t all friends to begin with. Getting everyone to collaborate and agree on things may be tough but if you see things aren’t moving along, don’t be afraid to take charge. Find out what everyone’s strengths and weaknesses are and then delegate. Giving everyone a job will help in ensuring everyone is pulling their weight and contributing to the tasks at hand. You might even make some new life-long friends along the way!
Remember why you’re there
At the end of the day, it’s all about the bride and groom. This doesn’t mean that they can say or do anything they please, but you may need to cut them some slack along the way. As fun as they are, weddings are hard events to plan! So do your best to be there for them through every part of this journey. From all of the bridal party experiences I’ve had so far, you learn a lot about the people in your circle throughout this process. The good, the bad and the ugly. So don’t forget that you may be leaving a lasting impression as well.
To finish off this article, I decided to ask my amazing Maid of Honor Gabriella to give us a few words of wisdom!
“Diana and Franco’s wedding was the first wedding where I had the honour of being maid of honour. From my experience, advice that I would give any maid of honour would be… make sure the bride stays stress free and calm throughout the whole journey, listen to the bride and always be there for her no matter what time of day. Make sure that during the planning of the wedding she stays on schedule, help plan the bridal shower with the bride’s family, create an emergency kit for the day of the wedding just in case she needs a bobby pin, tissue or whatever else us women need, make sure she eats and stays hydrated the day of the wedding, write a maid of honour speech that she’ll always remember and most importantly… plan a kick ass bachelorette party that she’ll never forget! I recommend Las Vegas!” – Gabriella